A Great Robot.

Hennnnnnneeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

I just saw Wall*E last night, and I enthusiastically recommend it without hesitation. It was one of the best movies I've seen in the last few years. After seeing it, I realized Chad Henne was a lot like Wall*E. His heart was always in the right place, and if he screwed something up, you always forgave him because he redeemed himself later. Wall*E and Henne both share a never-say-die attitude which allow them to overcome formidable obstacles, such as defeating evil robots while working with broken parts and defeating the Fighting Illini while working with broken parts, respectively.

Man, I'll miss that robot.

Bill Martin Announces Funding Plan For Crisler Renovations.

In a move that shocked many today, Bill Martin has announced his plans to fund the renovations to Crisler Arena:

A bomb-ass bake sale.

"Yo yo yooooooooooooo! We're gon' do this the old school way. And by old school, I mean elementary school." remarked Big Billy Dollaz. "Check me! When you were in fifth grade and needed to raise some money to go on your class trip, what did y'all do? You got yoself into the kitchen and started making brownies! True? True. So we're doing that, only we're takin' it to the next level. Shizzle!"

When asked how the bomb-ass bake sale would raise nearly 40 million dollars, Martin replied, "Aight, Aight, I got it covered. I know we'll hit the mark. I already got an order from South Bend, Indiana from an anonymous buyer for 5 million dollars' worth of double chocolate chunk cookies. Pretty soon we'll be able to make it rain faster than Pac at a bachelor party. WORD!"

Really, Really Fat: The Charlie Weis Musical.

This video is rated F for Fat.

Ah, it's good to be back.

Awesomeness Postponed Until Tonight.

I tried really hard to get my magnum opus up last night, but I decided it just wasn't ready. Have you ever worked a long time to get something done, missed the deadline, and in the end, rather than submit some half-assed piece of shlock, decide it was better to hold off and present it to the world as you wish it to be seen?

That's what happened this weekend. Check back later tonight. If Mikey's reaction means anything to you, this will be glorious.

Mama Called, I'm Coming Home.

Hello AT Readers,

It's been a long few weeks for me. Thankfully, life has calmed down and things are getting back to normal. I shall return this Sunday night with a post that will change the face of the Michigan blogosphere forever, probably for the worse.

Stat tuned.

Yours Truley,
CC

Down Periscope.

Lately, life has gone to the dogs.

AT Readers,

I must confess, these last few days have sucked and I apologize for the lack of content. I'm in the process of moving and my life has been turned upside down. I'm half moved in to a new apartment, still have things in my old one, and basically everything surrounding me is a giant clusterf*ck of disorganization. I hate living like this and don't expect to post much until my life is back in working order. Furthermore, I am working on other extremely important non-blog projects to which I must devote my full attention during the coming weeks. I'll be back around the middle of June.

Rest assured that when I come back, I'm coming back strong. I hope you don't give up on me during my sabbatical - but there are like a million other Michigan blogs for you in the meantime. I'll miss writing more than you'll miss reading.

Yours Truly,

CC

I Wonder If He Knew It Was Me!

Gary, Big Billy Dollaz, and the Cowbell Commander

A few weeks ago I was fortunate enough to go to the NYC stop of the Rich Rodriguez on the Road tour. While I was there, I couldn't resist the opportunity get a picture with Big Billy Dollaz himself. I didn't have the cojones to ask for a solo picture with BBD because of the large crowd and general chaos which was following Dollaz wherever he went, but thankfully AT VIP Gary played Kramer to my Jerry and we got a picture for the ages.

Yeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah boyeeeeeeeee!

Will Big Billy Dollaz Make It Rain For RichRod?

Buyout shmuyout, yeeeeeeeeeeeeeah booyyeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

By now, most of us know that Rich Rodriguez's deposition has been released for our reading pleasure. Will this solve anything? While I have no legal experience, my gut leads me to believe:

1) Neither Rodriguez or WVU is going to budge on their stance in the near future.
2) After much bitterness and lawyer's fees, Rodriguez and WVU will eventually just settle the buyout sometime over the summer and get on with their lives.

Now while the potential settlement will probably be less than $4,000,000, it will most likely still be a hefty chunk of change. The question is: will Bill Martin throw a few bucks Rodriguez's way in order to soften the blow - and should he be obliged to? Is there any negative ramifications for Michigan if Bill Martin tells Rodriguez he's on his own?

Thoughts por favor.

Autumn Thunder Book Club: To Hell With Calories.

There's no excuses for not reading this.

Sorry for the lack of posting this week. I got caught up in a great new book and I just couldn't seem to put it down. What was the captivating material, you ask? It's "To Hell With Calories," a new book written by Charlie Weis describing his exceptional diet and lifestyle. Some people may find some of Weis' favorite recipes unconventional. Take for example, the triple Butterfinger cupcakes topped with melted Swedish Fish (p.47) While the calorie count is nearly 900 per serving, they do sound scrumptious. Other tasty, yet potentially dangerous recipes include the deep-fried M&M encrusted butter sticks and licorice battered in chocolate syrup.

Perhaps the most interesting part of the book is the exercise regimen that accompanies the recipes. Not being one to waste time, Weis advocates doing chin-ups to speed up the workout. "For every chin you have, you get that chin-ups many done per rep. So every time I pull myself up, I count six reps. It really gets you to that post-workout snack much more quickly."

Buy or skip? I say skip. Even though the things Weis says do sound nice, it will probably just get you really bloated, fat, lazy, and let you down in the end.

NCAA 2009 Preview: Recruiting Shenanigans!

The best players come with a price - your morality.

Autumn Thunder is totally stoked to leak the first bit of news regarding the recruiting features in NCAA 2009: the premier of the Recruiting Shenanigans feature. An anonymous source at EA sports has passed me this unofficial (and admittedly low-quality) screen shot, and to say the least, the recruiting season in NCAA 2009 will be much more entertaining than in years past. While in previous editions, players had to go through five mind-numbing weeks of convincing players to sign their letters of intent based on the virtues of academics, campus lifestyle, playing time and the like, gamers now have more options. Do you think you could have convinced a young man like Ryan Perriloux to sign with you because of campus tradition? Noooooooo. Could guys like Chris Henry and Pacman Jones be persuaded to join your team based on your student section? Ha! Good one.

These days, you need to promise some players a little something extra, and EA is finally incorporating this pink elephant into the recruiting area of their games. Easy professers? Drugs? Guns? It's in the game!

I've Got Beaver Fever!

Yes, I'm aware it's a groundhog - but it gets the job done well enough.

Move over Mister Simpson, Tim Biakabatuka, and all you other former players with odd but cool names! Shavodrick Beaver has just claimed the title of "greatest name of any Michigan football player, past, present, and future." Shavodrick, you've got it made. You can throw for zero yards a game, get sacked twice a drive, fumble like there's no tomorrow and be king of the three and out - or be the hottest quarterback ever to wear the winged helmet. No matter what you do, people will remember your name forever.

Rod To Score With Beaver!

Post to come later tonight on the commitment of Shavodrick Beaver...but I had to stake my claim on that horrible pun NOW!

Manningham's Lic Is Sick.

That's one lic he'll regret for a while

During the past few months, my opinion of Mario Manningham's character has been declining steadily because of all the recent developments in the news. However, when I found out that Manningham scored a six out of fifty on his Wonderlic test, my esteem of the receiver formerly known as The New Math dropped like one of the balls he tried to catch in the Ohio State game.

Mario apparently has two brain cells - one for smoking pot, the other for catching footballs. As long as the NFL team which picks him can keep brain cell numero uno in check, I think things will be alright.

But a six? Good Lord. How did he ever pass a class at Michigan?

He Hath Soldeth His Soul!

I'll be wearing number 666! Haaaaaaaaaaaahahahahahahahahaaaaaaaaaaaaa!

There's not much that needs to be said at this point, except that Boren is a treacherous, whiny, ungrateful, lazy, sniveling, opportunistic, selfish, disloyal, sucky, stinky, stupid man.

Autumn Thunder Turns One!

Time really flies when you're having fun. It's hard to believe that it's been a year since my first post on Autumn Thunder. It all started with a man, a bootlegged copy of photoshop, and a dream. Now Autumn Thunder is a multi-hundred dollar enterprise which has earned me four free beers from people who read the site. Capital!

Perhaps many of you reading this post are in the same position I was a little over a year ago - you have an urge to join the college football blogosphere but are unsure as to how to take the first step. My advice? Just take the plunge, baby!

If you're going to make that first post sometime soon, I hope that the lessons I've picked up this year can help you. Here's what I learned during my first year of semi-pro blogging:

The most important rule of blogging in the Michigan blogosphere is knowing that Brian Cook is your personal Jesus. It's true! The man can triple your traffic for a day or two with a single link, and mad traffic is to be had if you can concoct something interesting enough to make his sidebar. Because of his tireless work and his undisputed reign as the best blog in our community, I humbly and willingly accept the fact that one man can largely determine how my work is recieved by others.

So, aside from that, here are a few other quick Do's and Don'ts I would suggest to a newbie blogger:

DO:

1) Have a shtick. Your site is a brand, and people will make return visits when they've identified something that you do which they like. Humor, inspiring prose, photoshop skills, analytical prowess - pick one that you can present well on a regular basis and run with it.
2) Comment on other blogs. Aside from being an active member in the blogosphere, the links you leave in your comments may indirectly bring traffic to your site. How serendipitous!
3) Give props to other bloggers when they post genius work. We don't do it for the money, folks (well...some people are so good that they can) so when you see that a colleague has put up first rate post, let them know that you've noticed and that you admire their efforts. It means a lot to me when I get a congratulatory note from The MZone or MVictors.com in my inbox.
4) Stick to it. Yes, posting 3-4 times a week is sometimes a challenge. But it's quite rewarding, kind of like getting up at 6 AM to run each day. I have mucho respect for the bloggers who play ball week in and week out - and the utmost respect for those who keep it going strong during the nine-month barren wasteland of the off-season.

DON'T:
1) Regurgitate material from official news sources. Since most people who are active blogosphere readers also read the Freep, The Daily, SI.com...etc., re-writing the work of others is both lazy and lame. Blogs are great because of their original thoughts and opinions.
2) Give up after a few months of low traffic. It takes time to build a decent daily following! Though the first month or two may be filled with double digit days, if you post quality material, people will check the site more often than you'd think. If you blog it, they will come.
3) Post and ghost. It's bad blog etiquette to routinely go without posting for long periods of time without notice to your readers. It's one of the surest ways to get deleted from another blogger's blogroll or deleted from a reader's list of daily bookmarks.

I'm no pro by any means, and I still have a lot to learn about amateur sports blogging (like how to get those cool text boxes inside my posts.). But for now, I just want everyone who reads this to know I'm grateful and flattered that you find my work worth your valuable time, and if you have the urge to start your own Michigan football blog, there's no time like the present.

Go Blue!

Simpson's Whereabouts A Mister-y.

Where do you think you're going, Mister?

Today, a random thought came to mind - whatever happened to our favorite oddly-named running back, Mister Simpson? I checked the Cincinnati Bearcats football roster and Mister is nowhere to be found. I know that he was academically ineligable for the 2007 season, but the roster shows the players for 2008. Did Mister finally call it quits? Does anyone know the real scoop?

Plight of the Pater-gnomes.

Joe Paterno is an institution in college football - but Penn State's program has been overwhelmingly mediocre during the last decade (save the 2005 season). As most of us know by now, many Nittany Lion fans are clamoring for a regime change. However, Penn State's failure to either a) gracefully remove Paterno from his post b) announce a retirement timeline or c) make a succession plan is going to kill the PSU program. What elite recruit would sign with PSU without knowing what his future will hold? Without a solid recruiting class on a regular basis, any program will flounder. The longer Paterno stays on top with no indication of stepping down, the worse the PSU program will be. This year may mark the beginning of a serious decline in PSU football.

Thoughts?

Men Beware! "Leatherheads" Is A Chick Flick!

Logically expecting "Leatherheads" to be full of old-timey football hijinks and slapstick hilarity, I was a bit disappointed when I found myself watching a romantic comedy disguised as a movie about 1920's football. The football action was good when it was onscreen and the atmosphere of the prohibition-era was recreated well, but the dialogue was so cheesy even I cringed with disgust - and that's saying a lot!

Movie studio marketing executives, you win this round. Fool me once...shame on you!

Despite "Blazing" Speed, Future Not "Bud"-ding.

*bubbling noises*

Yes, I know that many people have already covered this today. But you know I couldn't let an opportunity like this to go by and not contribute a little. I hope Manningham gets his act together after he gets drafted somewhere. There's too far too much talent there and money to be made to smoke it all away.

MSU - It's a Gas!

Spartans! What is your occupation?

Hooray for offeason shenanigans! While this story is not officially football related, any chance to take a potshot at Sparty is never too off-topic. Today, 28 MSU students were arrested at a massive party for assaulting police officers. The officers had to teargas the crowd in order to break up the mayhem.

Do they think they're Ohio State or something?

Who Cares Who The Quarterback Is?

Truth, Justice, and the Michigan Way!

Over the last few weeks, there have been numerous articles about how Michigan's quarterback status is still unknown, and that even a walk-on might win the job. You know what I say to that?

Who cares who the quarterback is?!? JUST GET THE DAMN BALL TO SAM McGUFFIE!

That's right - no matter which quarterback is playing, we're all better off by letting Sam McGuffie work his whiteboy gangsta magic and hurdle, juke, and spin around people on the way to the end zone.

Offensive line gonna majorly suck this year? It's best to give the ball to a guy who can get the hell out of dodge in the blink of an eye - not let a quarterback stand in the pocket to be eaten alive by a pack of defensive linemen and defensive ends.

People might say the quarterback will be inexperienced and will have trouble learning a whole new offensive system. No worries, good sir. Whoever the quarterback is, they'll only have to learn one play - the handoff to Sam McGuffie.

Sam McGuffie is the answer to every problem which may arise this year. Thank you, Football Jesus, for delivering him to us.

AT Book Club: Every Week A Season.

Every Week I'm Snoozin'!

In the latest installment of the Autumn Thunder Book Club, I will be reviewing "Every Week A Season," a book by Brian Curtis that chronicles his journey across America during the 2003 football season while he hung out for a week with some of the biggest programs in the nation, such as Wisconsin, LSU, Georgia, Tennessee (you can see all the teams on the cover!), and a host of others. Lloyd Carr wrote the forward - that's probably the most appealing part of the book to a Michigan fan, since Michigan was not chronicled during any of the weeks. I wonder why ([cough cough] Lloyd Carr hates the media [cough cough])?

The potential for this book was huge - but it fell short of what I hoped it would be. I wanted interesting team gossip, a really good description of what the players were like, and something other than the usual cookie cutter "this team is great - rah rah rah" writing that most sports writers are forced to do in exchange for inside access. Every week is presented in the same predictable order:

1) Intro about team and season for team thus far.
2) Talk about coach.
3) Talk about University and surrounding areas.
4) Describe what coaching staff does for a week in meetings and practice
5) Throw in some colorful quotes from media or players.
6) Really boring game recap
7) Conclusion with moral from the coach at the end.

There was nothing really notable in this book, and nothing of substance stayed with me after I finished reading it. It was a literary version of an ESPN "inside look" they play during halftime - semi-interesting for the time being, but completely forgettable when its through.

After the third week, I was ready to put this book down because it was so pedestrian. But dammit, I paid a nickel for it, and I was going to get my money's worth. I chugged through it for a few more subway rides.

Buy or skip? If you're a commuter, are missing football as much as I am, and have a nickel, it can't hurt. Don't buy it if it costs more than a buck.

Boren Myself Thinking of the Possibilities.

Maybe Boren REALLY left the Wolverines in order to chase a dream of starring in a Hollywood movie.


Or maybe he left in order to record a rock and roll album? Who the hell knows? Oh well...

Good luck, Dann O'Neill! Welcome to the Big Person Table.

Don't Feel Bad About The O-Line....Look At Puppies Instead!

Why waste time feeling sad or worrying about things you can't control? Rather than get all glum and gloomy over all the abuse our offensive line has taken recently, here are some puppy pictures of Mikey and Woodson you can use to stay on the sunny side of life.

The Chemical Equation for the Eliminaton of Boron Boren.

Well, never in a million years did I see this one coming. What the hell is going on here? Somebody make sense of it all!

A New Hope for America.

I don't know about all of you guys, but I am thoroughly unimpressed with the selection of potential candidates for the next President of the United States. Hillary? Brrrrrrr! Barack? Not yet. McCain? Get the oxygen tank ready.

You know what America needs? Hart and Edwards in 2008. How would they handle two of the most important issues?

Diplomacy: As President, Mike Hart would go around to all "little brother" nations of the world and spread cheer and a positive attitude to all.

Finance: Remember how Braylon scored 3 miracle touchdowns against Sparty in '04 when everyone though the game was over? As VP, Braylon could totally pull out a clutch performance and bring the country out of the potential recession.

I'll be expanding more on my Hart/Edwards proposal in coming posts. Think of the possibilities!

Hey Coach, Welcome Aboard.

The infamous "Madden draws a penis" telestration!

Here's a warm AT welcome to Three and Out, a new Michigan football blog run by an actual football coach (there's a concept!). I think we'll all agree that someone with in-depth football knowledge writing for our little corner of the blogosphere is always a good thing. Thus far, Three and Out has focused on explaining football strategy and has included some good diagrams to make the explanations easier. If you read this blog once in a while, you might say something insightful at a sports bar and sound really smart in front of your friends.

Coach Simmons, welcome to the club. Blog well and blog often!

Happy Easter!

What? You don't like Hippity-Hop culture?

Happy Easter in advance to all the AT readers out there - may the bunny bring you many cavities this weekend. I'm taking a weekend excursion to my parents' place outside Philly, so I'll be back Monday-ish. Take care till then!

Welcome, New Blogger Comrades!

It has come to my attention that a new Michigan football blog has popped up: Wolverine Liberation Army. This site seems to be spoofing a concept from the horrible 1980's movie "Red Dawn," in which the heroic group of young rebels defending the Midwest from the invading Commies call themselves "Wolverines." Good luck with your site, and welcome to the Michigan football blogosphere. Now boys....AVENGE ME!!!!! AAAAAA!-VENGE! MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

Let The Games Begin!

This is what you have to look forward to...

Gee whiz. Terrelle Pryor is now a Buckeye. Let me get out my box of kleenex and go hug Mikey for comfort. G may have been diplomatic, but diplomacy ain't my bag, baby!

TP, you are now public enemy numero uno of the most tasteless photoshopper in the Michigan blogosphere. You have three years of artwork such as this coming your way. While my future mancrush Sam McGuffie will be depicted slaying dragons and leaping over buildings, I'll have you doing "other things." Congrats.